When a Parent Has Dementia

When a mother or father is living with dementia, decisions about the family home become more complicated, and more emotional. You may be worried about their safety, about money for care, and about doing the right thing by them. You may also be unsure who has the legal right to make decisions at all.

This guide explains, in general terms, how capacity works in Ontario, why a power of attorney matters so much, what happens if there is none, and how to keep your parent involved and treated with dignity throughout. It is general information, not legal advice; a lawyer should guide any decision about selling.

Capacity is not all or nothing

A diagnosis of dementia does not, on its own, mean a person cannot make decisions. Ontario’s guidance on mental capacity explains that people can be capable of making one kind of decision but not another, and that capacity can change over time. Someone in the early stages may still be able to decide to sell their home, choose where to live, or sign a power of attorney.

In general, being capable of a decision means being able to understand the information that matters to it and to appreciate what is likely to happen if you decide one way or the other, or not at all. Your parent’s lawyer is responsible for being satisfied that your parent understands what they are signing. If there is doubt, the lawyer may suggest a formal capacity assessment by a trained capacity assessor.

The Continuing Power of Attorney for Property

A Continuing Power of Attorney for Property lets a person name someone they trust (the attorney) to manage their money and property, and it can continue to work if they later become mentally incapable. A Power of Attorney for Personal Care covers decisions such as health care and where to live.

The Ontario government’s page on making a power of attorney explains that a person must be mentally capable and at least 18 to make one for property. That is why timing matters so much with dementia.

1. Find the documents. Check whether your parent already has powers of attorney, and where the originals are kept. Their lawyer may hold them.
2. Read them carefully. Who is named? Can attorneys act alone or must they act together? Are there any conditions, for example that the attorney may act only once your parent is incapable?
3. If there are none, ask about making them now. If your parent may still be capable, a lawyer can meet with them, ideally alone, to discuss their wishes and prepare the documents.
4. Keep records. An attorney for property must keep careful accounts. Start from the first day.

Selling a home under a power of attorney has its own steps and responsibilities. See Power of Attorney and Selling for a Parent for the details.

If there is no power of attorney

This is the situation families find hardest. In Ontario, family members, including a spouse, cannot automatically make financial decisions for someone who has lost capacity. If your parent can no longer manage their property and has no continuing power of attorney:

• A family member may need to apply to court to become your parent’s guardian of property. This involves legal steps, time and cost.
• In some cases, after a formal capacity assessment, the Office of the Public Guardian and Trustee may become your parent’s guardian of property. The Ontario government describes this as a last resort, and family members may be able to take over afterward.

Your parent’s home cannot simply be sold by a well-meaning relative without the proper legal authority. If you are in this situation, speak with a lawyer experienced in substitute decision-making before you take any steps toward a sale.

Keeping your parent involved

Even when someone else holds legal authority, your parent is still the person whose home it is. Many people with dementia can express clear wishes and feelings about where they live, even if they cannot manage the paperwork. Including them, as far as they are able, protects their dignity and often makes the move go more smoothly.

• Talk with them, not just about them. Use short, calm conversations at their best time of day.
• Ask what matters most: a garden, a pet, a church nearby, being close to a grandchild.
• Avoid arguing about memory or facts. Reassure, and come back to the topic another day.

An example: a son in Calgary holds his mother’s power of attorney for property, and she lives in Etobicoke. Rather than deciding everything by phone, he flies in for a week, visits two places with her, and lets her choose the room with the morning light. She does not remember the details later, but she is calmer in the new place, and he knows he honoured her wishes. See Helping from a Distance.

Timing a move to care

With dementia, the right time to move is often before a crisis: a fall, getting lost, a fire on the stove, or a caregiver who is exhausted. Signs it may be time to plan include missed medications, unpaid bills, unsafe driving, wandering, or a spouse or child who can no longer keep up.

• Has a doctor assessed my parent’s current needs?
• Has Ontario Health atHome been contacted about home care or long-term care?
• Do we know whether a retirement residence, memory care or long-term care home is the better fit?
• Does the person with legal authority understand their role and limits?

Ontario Health atHome arranges publicly funded home care and handles applications to long-term care. Call 310-2222 (no area code needed) or visit ontariohealthathome.ca. Retirement homes in Ontario are licensed by the Retirement Homes Regulatory Authority; you can look up a home at rhra.ca.

Waiting lists, care costs and the timing of the sale all interact. It is often wise not to sell the house until the next home is secured, but every family’s finances are different. See Timing the Sale and Your Next Move.

Support for you and your family

Caring for a parent with dementia is demanding, and selling their home can bring up grief for everyone. You do not have to do this alone.

• The Alzheimer Society of Ontario offers information, can point you to your local Alzheimer Society (including Toronto, Peel and York Region), and runs First Link, a program that connects people newly diagnosed with dementia and their families to support.
• Brothers and sisters often have different views. Agree early on who does what, and share information openly. See Working Together as Siblings.
• If you are worried that someone is taking advantage of your parent, call the Seniors Safety Line at 1-866-299-1011, available 24/7.

Frequently asked questions

My mother has dementia. Can she still sign a power of attorney?

Possibly. It depends on whether she is capable of that particular decision at the time she signs. A lawyer will meet with her and decide whether they are satisfied she understands; if there is doubt, a capacity assessment may be suggested.

Can I sell my father’s house if I am his attorney for property?

A valid continuing power of attorney for property generally allows the attorney to deal with property, but the attorney must act in your father’s best interests, follow any limits in the document, and keep accounts. Read Power of Attorney and Selling for a Parent and get legal advice first.

What if my parent says they do not want to move?

Listen carefully. Their feelings matter, whatever their diagnosis. Look for ways to make home safer first, and involve their doctor. If a move becomes necessary, take it slowly and keep them part of the decision as much as possible.

How Irina can help

Irina is a Seniors Real Estate Specialist® who understands that these sales are about family, not only property. She works patiently with attorneys, lawyers and family members, in English or Russian, and is happy to have a no-pressure conversation about what your parent’s home may be worth and how a sale could fit around their care. Contact her whenever you are ready.

Related guides: Power of Attorney and Selling for a Parent · Starting the Conversation · For Adult Children